Baby's Breath

This weekend, I had a beautiful Sunday morning. With sunny skies, gloves and a coat, I biked to a new yoga place - new for me that is - and enjoyed some hot yoga for the first time. I followed it up with some tea and writing, and then came home so very calm to my so very not calm household. Thanks to yoga, I remained so very calm.

The yoga brought me back to mindfulness of my breathing, but I continue to be caught up in little John's breathing. (I recognize, this is an issue - who's breath consumes me most anyway? I'm not really sure.) But John's breath is a yoga lesson in itself. Here is what I notice:

• Especially when he was really little, he always takes in a really big breath right before he sinks into sleep. That's my cue to sneak away.
• Just before the cry comes, he does a bunch of quick shallow breaths. Another cue...
• When we nestle into the rocking chair, just as he starts to nurse, he takes a big relief breath, "Ah, finally."
• Sometimes he just doesn't breathe - when he's watching his siblings in deep concentration, or as he's getting his sleep rhythm going.
• Especially when he was a tiny baby, his breath was really irregular, asleep and awake. The sleeping part always made me feel nervous, but so in tune with the basics of life.
• I still love the way his breath feels right in my ear - so warm and sweet. I still love it with all my children, though Will is on the verge of big, stinky boy. I promise to love that, too.

As my Sunday moved on, the yoga effect remained, but with concentration:

• BREATHE IN sunshine, coming of spring, the big beautiful family that I've always dreamed of;
• BREATHE OUT June's temper tantrum over a boo boo that is remarkably invisible;
• BREATHE IN my husband's Sunday stubble and his yearning for soccer at the park (For the kids. Really.);
• BREATHE OUT anxiety of the kids getting older, my getting older, everyone getting older. Ok Time. Why does it have to pass?;
• BREATHE IN the natural beauty and blessedness of time and getting older;
• BREATHE OUT worry over our polluted earth;
• BREATHE IN hope for the future;
• BREATHE OUT the anxiety of making mistakes with my family, with my life, of missed opportunities;
• BREATHE IN confidence, faith, love.

There it is in a nutshell. Now back to my baby's breath.