Wimpy Kid

I have long taken the parenting position of "simplify," "take away pressure," "make things easy," "slow down."  I have done so often to make things easier on me, but also to encourage a peaceful, even thoughtful state of mind when facing the world.  Life is complicated enough already.

On a recent trip to the ski slopes, however, I began to question the long-term benefit of my approach.  I watched as other parents pushed their kids to ski, laid on the pressure, ignored cries, dragged them down the mountain, kicking and screaming.  Honestly, maybe these kids will be tougher in the face of pressures in the grown up world.  Maybe they're developing a thick skin when it comes to immediate challenges, whereas my kids might dodge the pressure altogether.  After all, these kids do seem to be skiing.

On the one hand, I want my kids to know how to navigate, even minimize pressure, but what about the times they can't avoid it?  Will they stand strong, or run for their Boulder yoga mats? (Not that I find anything wrong with that...)

To be perfectly honest, I can push right up against that pressure threshold, too.  We were out there skiing.  I could have easily prompted (or exacerbated) a panic attack had I not:

• Offered endless pieces of gum throughout the day;
• Dangled the promise of "hot chocolate" in front of them so much that they don't even want it any more!
• Picked John up after almost every fall, rather than let him lie there and fend for himself;
• Strapped on John's little cross country skies, rather than let him take forever doing his own;
• Taken great care not to touch John as he dismounted the magic carpet ("ALL BY MYSELF!") even if all those behind him had a look of terror, anticipating a domino effect pile-up of bodies should he fall;
• Carefully orchestrated an advanced math turn-taking system for who gets on the magic carpet first;
• Lied a little.

Who really had control in our overall situation, they or I?  Honestly, I'm not sure.  And with all my accommodations, am I heedlessly dodging pressures or subconsciously still throwing my kids to the wolves?

With four kids and ten years of parenting, I don't know the answers.  In fact, sometimes the answers become less and less clear.  I just know that most of us follow our instincts and hope they are good ones, at least a good part of the time.