Home

When summer began, I was composing blogs in my head about family rituals and routines.  Then, my family up and moved.  In large part, this explains my 2-month blog silence.

It was a fairly sudden change.  Inspired, but sudden.  I alternate between thinking us brave and foolish.

I was connected to our old home.  Its walls breathed the energy of all that happened within them for 10 years.   The vision I had when we committed to a new place was full of optimism, but a little blind to what we'd be leaving behind.  Like the sweet hill we walked, biked, scootered, wiggle-raced so many million times.  Or the neighbors who have watched, and cared for, and known my kids like no new neighbors ever will.  Or my view from the kitchen of June and John dancing in the living room, Clara racing from the front door to the backyard trapeeze in one big leap, and Will battling some mirage from his post on the roof.

I could stand in the middle of that house and see out a North, South, East and West window, all from one spot.  In fact, this will be my memory of that home.  The vision in every direction.  I could see my children wherever they may be.  Not necessarily a teenager's dream, which is one reason we left.  But as the mother of four still mother-centered children, being in the center of that 360 degree view was exactly where I wanted to be.  Letting go of that position is not easy.  

Mind you, we are not moving into a suburbian McMansion, nor are we headed to gas-guzzling away from the city center.  Instead, school is now a bike ride away and Jeff's trip to the bus station is close.  We do have more land, and chickens are in sight.  And there are more spaces for preteens - and their mothers - to find a little personal space.  

But we left a place I loved.  In our 10 years there, we dreamed up our kids, and dreamed each day with them in that space.  Yet we willed the change by a dream, too.  We will come to love our new home.  And that may be the thing I've learned:  While changing our dreams and rituals and routines can be hard, the important thing is that they continue.

So, I aim to end the summer where I intended to begin, reflecting on rituals and routines.  We are continuing many, spinning some that are new, and letting go of those that no longer have a place.  For that is where we are living, and maybe that balance sits a little closer to the truth.