Spoons

I think it's appropriate to follow-up my epic hike entry with a gritty tale. As all parents know, it's not all magical forests. Sometimes you fall into thickets, or storm clouds pour rain. Sometimes you get lost.

The morning after our trip down the mountain, I was feeling out of sorts. I'd packed, unpacked, and repacked a few too many times. June began screaming and just wouldn't stop. She must have been feeling out of sorts, too. But her irrational, endless way of expressing it became too much for me. So I threw spoons. Dramatically. Across the room.

It was not a proud moment. Thankfully, June was my only witness. I immediately apologized, and she stopped her initial scream, but then quickly started another one. Her first cry was over imperfect clothes or an inadequate breakfast. I don't really remember. The second cry was for having a Mom who threw spoons.

The day went on. I found order, in my house and in my head. We strolled around a lot, which always helps. But, it was humbling. After a day with such great highs (see previous blog entry), to fall immediately to the lows.

I don't choose to dwell on these moments really, though I might have in the past. Despite the lost credibility, my lost confidence, and the lovely example I set, here is my silver lining: It reminds me how hard it is to act and react in all the ideal ways, all the time. And if this is true for adults, it is especially true for kids, with their jumble of new emotions and their brief experience in the world. So ultimately, my emotional outburst circles back and gives me more patience for theirs.